Choosing Responses to Experience

"Everything we do is a choice! In every instant, we are making a choice about what we will do...as well as a choice about what we will think..."--Jonathan Lockwood Huie

   I have been a firm advocate of the concept that, while we cannot control what happens to us, we can control how we respond to our experiences. Lately, I have begun to realize that there are certain things that happen to us that we can, in fact, control. Those things also seem to stem from choices that we make. For example: if we make choices that we know can hurt others or ourselves, but we make them anyway, we are setting ourselves up for future experiences of pain and sorrow. Conversely, if we make choices that are positive and uplifting for others and ourselves, we can expect to receive even more joyful experiences in the future. I suppose some would call it "karma". I think of it as our thoughts and intentions influencing our choices and courses of action.

   The same can be said for our choices regarding interpersonal communication. If we find ourselves in the midst of an argument that is steadily becoming heated--and we notice this occurring--we have choices to make: primarily, 1) Do we continue to let this argument escalate? and 2) Do we make an attempt to cool this disagreement down a bit? Our decisions rest on our abilities to take a step back and notice what is going on around us, our intent for the direction of the conversation in the first place, and a multitude of other personal reasons that people engage in communication with others (relational and content level meaning, etc.).

   Let's say we decide to let the argument escalate because--damn it--we're angry right now! Ok, so we keep adding fuel to the conversational fire, and we find ourselves experiencing even more anger, frustration, and pain. Did we ask for this? Indirectly...yes. We made a choice to continue in the manner we were heading, and now we have more choices to make regarding how to respond to what is happening to us in this moment. We can stay angry, make an attempt to cool down, cry, etc., etc. Our decisions come from many places; however, I would say that the goal towards feeling better about our situations is to begin making more conscious and present-minded choices about our experiences.

   It all comes down to awareness of the choices we make on a daily basis. If we can look at how potential words and actions might affect others (and ourselves) before we say or make them, we might avoid a lot of extra work and unnecessary pain trying to undo a previous choice we made. Also, if we keep watch on the thoughts and intentions that lead to our potential words and actions, we will have begun applying the consistent work it takes to be a more present-minded and conscious person. I believe the rewards of this work are completely worth it. My positive thoughts are with you as you continue to navigate your own life journey.