"I recognize that the person I was in my past is not the person I am today." --Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Change is part of our personal progression and evolution as human beings. It is inevitable and one of the only constants we face in our lives. I have often been quite stubborn about facing change in my own life, and truthfully, I still prefer routine to spontaneity. For the most part, this is what I'm used to and seek out in my day-to-day life; however, there are plenty of circumstances that I cannot control, plan ahead for, and expect. What happens then? I have had to use those opportunities to look within myself and find the courage to let things be and let things go. An authentic and genuine sense of freedom and liberation have followed...
I was humbled by a recent experience at work when I needed to ask for help and found it very difficult and frustrating to do so. You see, my role at work parallels a bit of the role I have found myself playing in most of my life: helper to others. I fill in for my coworkers/team whenever they cannot come into the office (if they're on vacation, feel ill, or just need the day off for whatever reason). I am happy to play my role because I am happy helping other people. Well, one day, I found myself at the office suddenly needing help of my own. I was not pleased because I wanted to be there and wanted to continue helping my team to get our job done for the day. Of course, I tried to ignore my need at first (Me ask for help? Whatever.), and it wasn't helping. I was suffering a dizzy spell (likely brought on by fatigue and stress), the room felt like it was literally spinning, and I knew that I wasn't going to be much use to anyone in that current state of being. I felt miserable; however, I felt more miserable admitting to my boss what I was experiencing. I felt weak, like a failure, like someone who was letting others down. This was someone I used to be in my past still speaking for me in the present, and I knew I had grown out of this perspective. I just needed to let it go.
That being said, I was nevertheless grateful. Grateful that another coworker was able to fill in for me and the team was able to move on with the day successfully. I really beat myself up from within that day, but fortunately, I was able to take a step back and look at what I was doing. After some rest and prayerful thought (of what, I believe, was truly needing to be healed--my perspective), I realized what I had been doing. I was, once again, being harder on myself than I would have been to anyone else in my situation, expecting to be an all-powerful person all the time, no exceptions.
Well, that belief didn't get me anywhere that day--nor would it continue to serve me as a helper of others if I continued to cling to it. So, I decided to let that old belief go. Here is where the real sense of liberation, freedom, and release kicked in. I wasn't being strong by holding onto an unrealistic ideal of who I wanted to be (helper of all, helped by none) I was being stubborn and antagonistic towards my own healing--and healing in general. Looking back, I know that I had that experience to help teach me about the power of letting go, which I thought I already understood, of course!
True letting go is about having the courage to know that--whatever happens--you will be fine. You can ask for help and what you need, and you will not be "weak". You will be fine. You can accept that sometimes you don't have all the answers--and it's OK. You are still fine. Just let go of whatever old beliefs from your past you feel might still be weighing you down and know that you are just fine. Thank goodness for change. Thank goodness we are not the same people today that we used to be in our past. And, thank goodness that whenever we let something go, we are still just fine.
